July 18th, 2026
To my sweet and loving daughter, Angela Suzanne;
It’s just a little over eight months now since I stood by your bedside and held your hand while you took your last breath. My heart sank, and my mind was telling me that now you were no longer in pain. Your spirit had flown back to God, who gave it. He had sent it down to Earth to live in your body on January 8, 1974. Your first cry comforted me, knowing that my baby was alive. The first sight of you after being wrapped in a blanket was such a joy. Such a beautiful, sweet, blonde-haired baby girl. The nurses had weighed you in at six pounds and eleven ounces and you were twenty-one inches long. Yes, Angela Suzanne would be your name. Angela, meaning God’s messenger. You looked like a little angel. And Suzanne means lily, a symbol of purity, beauty, and grace.
I think of you often and find that tears flow without stopping. I miss your quiet, sweet presence and your expression of love in the little happenings of life. For the last thirteen years, you were my constant companion, and when you were well enough, you would always empty the dishwasher and help with the laundry.
This spring, I planted two tomato plants and a couple of pepper plants. You know how much you loved tomatoes, especially when I would make those BLTs for our lunch. Now, when I make a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, I picture you sitting across the table from me, and together we enjoy our homegrown tomatoes. So many memories flood my mind.
It has been extremely difficult to try to move on. In fact, part of who I am left with you when you took your last breath.
So now, I must find my place in this world. How I do this means that now my identity as a mom and caregiver has changed. Yes, I am still Mom. However, I must find a renewed purpose and focus on what I can do, and still be involved in the affairs of life on earth.
I believe that even though I am getting old, there will still be opportunities to grab hold of. At this point, I am still searching for opportunities that will offer hope and encouragement to the people around me.
Writing a book as a tribute to my youngest daughter is a project that I intend to finish. Another is to revive my blogging at the web address http://www.rekindlingtheflame.com.
You would be surprised to learn that after we felt abandoned by the Church we had attended, I now attend Ablaze Church, a Missouri Synod Lutheran Church. No accident that I have the Lutheran Rose that used to be at Grandma and Grandpa’s Ledell home.
I carry you with me every day. They say that when babies are in utero, DNA is exchanged from the baby to the mother. That means I will always carry you with me until we meet again.
Love forever & always, Mom
